Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Lonely Neglected Scale... Poor sick scale owner!

Weight Loss? Ummmm....

Poor lonely scale, over in the bathroom corner, gathering dust.

I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks, but I will tell you that this fall has been so frustrating as far as exercise. At the end of September, I got a sinus infection, then when that was better, I slowly got back to the gym, taking it easy, not jumping in all at once & over-doing it. But once I got back to my full 30 minutes or so, the next day, I crashed and became sick again. Now it's the end of Dec., and I've had 3 rounds of antibiotics, and should be better by now, but I still have a sore throat, headache & congestion. Are you kidding me???????????????

How am I supposed to lose weight if exercise is not an option? I mean, I guess I could torture myself and count calories and get rid of the sugar...

Realistically, I am hoping to do my system of slowly giving up desserts by eating 1 less each week, until I'm eating 1 dessert per week. This should ideally start next week when the kids are going back to school and we are all in our routines again.

When I weighed myself before Christmas, I was pleased to see that the number on the scale wasn't scandalously high, about the same as before my sinus infections, maybe a pound or 2 more. But we have been Christmas-treat-eating fiends at our house, and I just think about all the elliptical workouts I will have to do to work it off & I get so frustrated about being sick & not being able to exercise.

But what I haven't blogged about yet is how much I love having lost 25 pounds!!!!!!!!!! I love looking at my face in the mirror without the double chin... Christmas may have put it back... we'll see... actually writing this has made me more motivated to try to get back to the grindstone as soon as I can. But I did fit in my awesome Shabby Apple Christmas dress!! So that's good! :)

I will update again soon.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Eating & Toxic Shame

"For the most part diets are the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on a suffering group of people. Ninety-five percent of the people who diet gain the weight back within five years. Diets underscore one of the most paradoxical aspects of toxic shame. In dieting and losing weight, one has the sense of controlling and fixing the problem. ... control is one of the major strategies of cover-up for shame." -from Healing The Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw.

I really enjoyed this quote. I had been reading the shame book for multiple reasons, but I especially know that eating involves "stuffing" emotions for me and like a band-aid when I didn't want to feel life's sharp edges. But the problem other than the obvious fact that over-eating is self-destructive, is that numbing emotions will numb the good ones as well as the bad. This is why I am planning on reading more books on shame including I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't) by Brene Brown, and others by her.

Also the issue about whether you can really control and fix the problem? If you only deal with calories in versus calories out, then well, what about the emotional side of things? It makes me think about those women who were on Oprah who had bariatric surgery, then switched their addiction from food to alcohol. Let alone nightmare stuff like this PCOS that I'm dealing with that screw with your metabolism and therefore there is no control over your weight loss.

I've been doing very well, weight-loss-wise. Half of me doesn't want to give myself any credit because you KNOW you're going to be losing weight if you're taking a medication that causes you to have to take Immodium AD every day (medication is Metformin for the PCOS). But then again, I know I've made some key lifestyle choices like going to once a week desserts, and being super consistent doing my interval cardio training 3 times a week and some simple strength training (just 10 minutes) 3 times a week.

Because I couldn't binge eat recently (partly because of this dang medication), I did feel that my food addiction had been transferred around to other things like reading a lot (less harmful) or losing my temper too often (more harmful). So I hope that I (and all of us) can work instead on reducing the toxic shame, so I won't have to search for ways to numb my emotions.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

We're Going Riding On The Freeway

I am so excited to share some happy, happy, happy thoughts with you this time!

First of all, I woke up this morning and read the scale- and guess what? I've lost 20 pounds since the end of last summer!!!!!!! I still have a long way to go, but it doesn't matter. I am SO PSYCHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I went and worked out, did intervals on the elliptical, and I couldn't even believe how good it felt! I came home and jumped up and down and shook my husband, saying, "I feel so great!!!!" What used to be hard before, was a cake walk. I felt powerful. I know I'm getting stronger, but it still challenged me enough to really get those endorphins flowing and of course the sweat was flowing a ton. I wanted it not to be over when it was over, and I wanted to dance & do cartwheels afterwards, to show how awesome I felt.

And I have some updating to do. First of all, I feel like I'm armed with some knowledge that will help me succeed this time, in the weight loss department. (And as a disclaimer, if I hit a "speed bump," I will pick myself up and keep going... but right now we're on the freeway, man!) :)
  1. I've been diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.). It involves not only cysts on your ovaries, but also your body mismanages insulin, and your hormones are all messed up. It is a disorder that can affect your metabolism, and similar to thyroid, you can gain a ton of weight, and it is super tough to take it off. I found an article on the Real Age website that named PCOS as one of the top 3 things that may stop people from losing weight when they're doing everything right. (The other two were thyroid & sleep apnea.) I am now taking the drug, Metformin. It is a diabetes drug, not a weight loss drug, but sometimes people taking it have a bit of relief from some of the PCOS symptoms. I've only been on it for 6 weeks & I haven't reached the full dosage yet, but I have started to see a glimmer of hope. But mainly, knowledge is power. Even if I get no relief from its effects, and my metabolism stays sluggish, at least I know I really do need to try harder than the average person to lose weight, and so I'll give it my all & I won't give up. When I found out I had PCOS, it was like, "SEE I TOLD YOU!!!!! I AM NOT SITTING ON MY COUCH EATING BON BONS! I WORK OUT MORE AND EAT HEALTHIER THAN ANYONE I KNOW, YET I STILL WEIGH THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vindicated towards anyone who might have judged me. :( And it underlines the reason I named this blog, "It's Just Not That Simple." Because, well, it's not. Calories in, calories out is not the whole story.
  2. Summer is a hard time for me. Last summer the anxiety & depression I suffer from got so much worse. I stopped working out & started eating worse & as a result gained 20 pounds. Yep, the 20 I just lost. :( So I'm hoping knowing the pitfalls are out there will help me avoid them a bit. For some people winter is hard, and people just try to maintain their weight through the holidays, but for me, I know the nightmare season is summer. So I can give myself a friggin' break, if I gain a pound or two, and I can yell extra hard at myself to get to the gym, because it will just be my lying, depressed, negative thoughts trying to talk me out of it. Take THAT, Negative Thoughts! I'm on to you!!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Help! I've Fallen & I Can't Get Up!

Last update, the idea of 1 dessert a week was working really well for me. Basically, in a nut shell (or maybe a pie shell... chocolate shell... some sort of sweet shell, definitely) after Valentine's, it all went to pot!!! Now I am back in the mindset that I NEED the sweet things to make me happy.

And my exercising? I think March must be the time for me that the flu shot wears off. Last year I was so sick & it happened to me again this time. I had tonsilitis, strep, fever, coughing is still going on... nightmare.  So I am being smart and not exercising too much, too soon, but I'm still sad because all the momentum is gone, replaced by... I'm guessing... 5 pounds on the scale.  Too afraid to actually weigh myself & find out. But the fat rolls are reappearing. That's evidence enough.

And the fact that I know I've gained back some of the weight that was so hard to lose, it's so frustrating, that I can't even face it & I just stay in denial and eat the desserts.

I asked my six-year-old son what I should do if I made a mistake and he said, "Ask a grown-up."  Maybe I'll call into Jonathan Roche's show on Wednesday and try to get some encouragement/advice.

What do you all think?

Friday, January 30, 2009

New Blog Title Plus New Blogging Approach

This blog is becoming difficult to update because it would be totally not fun to read. It would be updates that say,

"I lost 2 pounds."
"I'm no longer checking the scale."
"Woops, over the last 6 months I accidentally gained 19 pounds."
"Ok, do I dare start this journey again?"

And at the risk of sounding like "Hey, I found a new thing that I'm temporarily being helped by..." I will just share a bit of what's going on, because at least at this moment it's positive! Yay!

I love The Fly Lady. A little more than a year ago, she started endorsing a guy who is a virtual trainer, sells online software & heart monitors and swears by interval training. His name is Jonathan Roche, and he has a radio show on Blog Talk Radio. Well, I've listened to him on & off, but recently I went on a streak where I listened to a ton of archived shows and the result was really positive. I bought the online software system (already owned a heart monitor.) And I've been making good progress. I started interval training every other day and strength training on my own for a month or so before my system arrived from Jonathan & I lost 10 pounds! Not kidding! Then after the system arrived, (right before Christmas) the progress continued and so far I've lost 4 more pounds and maybe more because my weigh-in day is tomorrow.

The thing that is fueling me is the positivity on his radio show. I've been able to convince myself that
  • a little is better than none
  • any weight loss is beautiful
  • any movement/exercise is beautiful
  • forward movement (however slow!) is what I'm striving for- not quick fixes
  • I need to listen to my body & stop exercising when I feel badly
  • Resting when you're sick is actually more productive than exercising anyway & hammering yourself
  • 30 minutes, 3 times a week is enough cardio (even though a nagging voice tries to tell me 2 hours is the correct amount & that 30 min. will never help anything.)
  • 30 minutes, 2 times a week is enough strength training (see above about the evil nagging voice.)
  • The Biggest Loser is all about over-training and getting injuries and also not realistic for normal people with normal lives
  • Exercising really does improve my energy
  • I need to take time to tell myself what a great accomplishment it is to lose the weight that I have
  • The tendency to overdo it is one of the things that can make me fail (has happened several times in the past) & is the reason I can be slow & steady this time
  • I deserve to feel great
  • My family is proud of me when I work out, & I'm actually pretty proud of myself, too!
  • "Baby steps" are OK!!!!!! This is what I have done to get myself to eat fewer desserts, and it is so much less overwhelming.
  • Calorie counting really drives people crazy. You can still be successful if you just eat reasonably.
  • The real reason I want to lose weight is to frolick with my kids, lower my health risks, and feel great mentally & physically
I know in my past blog posts, I never have stuck purely to the topics of what I'm eating and what I'm doing for exercise, but now I really may go on tangents if I think that sharing these thoughts would relate to the psychological, mental, physical and spiritual struggle that is weight loss.

But the main point of this post is a happy thought. I'm so happy that my clothes felt so loose the past couple days, and that what I'm doing is giving me hope for the long-term. Go Me! Good job, Me! for being more consistent, lately! And I know I can keep it up if I stay away from the all-or-nothing attitude.