Saturday, August 2, 2008

Back in a week.......... :)

The mountains of Heber Valley are the location for this year's Cardon Family Reunion. Part of the week, Chris and I will get to celebrate our coolest anniversary (#8 on 08/08/08!!!!!!!!) at the Homestead Resort, while Eli and Mia have a long "sleep over" at Grandma & Grandpa's. I'm armed with guided relaxation podcasts to get through any airline disasters. Non-anxiety is going to be my theme. Wish me lots of peace and zen and unity with the universe. We'll see you when we get back!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Love and Healing

The other day, early in the morning, as I was thinking about things before I got up, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for various reasons. And I caught myself pre-meditating which kind of cookies/treats I was going to eat that day. Of course, I know I go to food for comfort, but I think also, to provide myself with love or attempt to heal emotional wounds. (I know I'm getting a bit deep on you guys, here...) But sugary foods are not healing or necessarily loving. So I tried to correct my thinking a bit by making a list of things that ARE healing & loving.

When you need emotional healing:

  • Prayer and spiritual experiences are healing.
  • Physical rest is healing.
  • Actual balanced nutrition is healing.
  • Movement is healing.
  • Creative expression is healing.
  • Cleanliness is healing.
  • Progress reports aid healing.
  • Touch & massage are healing.
  • Talking, crying, emoting are healing when it doesn't hurt others.
  • Boundaries are healing.
  • Schedules and routines can be healing.
  • Pushing yourself a little more each day can be healing.
  • Gratitude is healing.
  • Learning & education can be healing.
  • Breathing is healing.
  • Reducing negative thinking can be like tylenol.
  • Service to others can reduce emotional swelling (being puffed up with ego) like ibuprofin.
When you need to love yourself:
  • Pamper yourself.
  • Get your physical needs met.
  • Allow rest, work and play.
  • Beautify your environment.
  • Daily devotionals to borrow love from God, if you don't have any for yourself.
  • Don't say mean things to yourself!
  • Say nice things to yourself... affirmations: I am a good person. I have worth. My body is a miracle of science. There are so many beautiful things about me.
What else? How do you show yourself love and healing? I know it's squeamish for some people to talk about, but it's reality. We all need to receive love & healing from our own selves. Because who else is going to do it if you don't?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Summer Fitness

Hi friends! Those of you patient enough to keep reading even when the going gets tough (and the posts are fewer and farther between.)

I will now share all the new and exciting things I've been doing for my weight loss:


Crickets chirping.

Ok. Let's talk about something else instead. Like how hard it is to lose weight for me during the summer! I am jealous of those whose summers are really slow, lazy and relaxing, and they just lose their appetites and eat nothing but berries and salads. Except not lazy enough to stop them from running 5 miles on the beach each morning or something like that.

Unfortunately, with my 2 kids, summers are pretty stressful. They get bored and mischievous, and even without the extra shenanigans, we just get sick of each other!! There are no breaks for me at all! Even at swimming lessons, I can't sit on the lounge chairs and read books like most moms, because out of desperation to get my money's worth, I've been THE SWIMMING LESSON NAZI- bribing, threatening and cajoling my daughter to let go of the wall & go participate with her class.

What else about summer? Let's see. The heat makes me grouchy, therefore I want to eat. All the above stress makes me want to eat. The vacations, bbqs, & frequent party atmospheres make me want to eat.

The stress level for me right now is so high, that I know it will be too hard for me to succeed if I just cut myself off from the coping method of eating. So I think I will refocus myself on exercise. I had been doing GREAT before swimming lessons started. I had been doing 4 classes a week at the gym all at 9:30 a.m. But since swimming is from 10 to 11, I have had a hard time finding a different time and getting into the groove again.

But I know it will help with all the stress if I can just make it work & for now that is the baby step I prefer to work on (rather than food-- what a nightmare I've been sitting on the couch with my bag of pretzels and baking cookies every other day). Sigh! We can do this!

Lastly, here are some pictures of my two sisters, me and my niece going on a walk near Bridal Veil Falls while I was visiting in Utah. This was my one victory in the attempts at being healthy. Good job me. Pat, pat. (on my back). :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Trip to the Land of Temptation

I did not check the scale before I left, and I didn't check it today. It's probably for the best, keeping in mind that we don't want to send me into a sobbing depressive spiral on my first day back.

Summing up the weight loss efforts on my trip: a couple of fast food meals & restaurant meals, and the ones I had at my mom's or sister's house were like "white bread, turkey, a few grapes, and a brownie." Oh and the wedding cake. That we had like 4 times because people kept wanting to get rid of all the leftovers. (My sister's reception was Thursday at my mom's home, and my step sister's wedding was Saturday at their home as well! My poor parents for having to host 2 big weddings at their home in one week!) And in the airport it was just a free-for-all of fattening, caloric food. I'm not trying to gross you out. I'm just letting you know what I've been dealing with!

But I did manage to drag my 2 sisters out for a walk. It was really nice, actually. We went up to the canyon where there is a trail next to some waterfalls, and we did intervals. I think the heart monitor said over 1000 calories burned.

I was sooooo happy today to head straight to Trader Joe's and restock our healthy food, and finally have some nutritious meals with a little more fiber and taste.

P.S. I really shouldn't make my trip sound like an awful trip. I wasn't able to eat as healthily as I do at home, but other than that, it was wonderful to be with my family and I was sans kids for 5 days!!!!!! I missed them, but it was like visiting a zen spa- so quiet and peaceful. You know? :)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Ok. I have changed my mind about putting numbers in the title. It is way too fun to keep raving about my calorie counting heart monitor. 975 is what I burned on the elliptical this morning for 50 minutes. I did intervals, and got my heart rate up pretty high with resting in between.

Yeah, posting my calories burned is way more impressive than weight lost (none.) So it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING! Maybe the next step after this is actually posting calories consumed, but they don't make a watch yet that counts the calories that you put in your mouth. Maybe this is a brilliant idea for some techie/inventor. But it has to do it through osmosis, like a stomach strap. Adding them all up myself is just too much trouble.

I will be out of town for the next week, but I already have a walk scheduled with an old friend & I'm bringing the heart monitor! :) See you next week!

Monday, June 9, 2008


I have a headache!!!!!!!!!!

I had this secret goal (so secret, that I couldn't even tell the blogging audience)... it's just such a small goal & now I'm telling you. Between Sunday and Thursday (when I leave to go out of town to my sister's wedding,) I wanted to be dessert-free. It's now the end of Monday & I have done really well. I know I can do 2 more days because I feel so good about this small accomplishment.

But it's just interesting to me because I'm not restricting my portions & this headache feels the same as a hunger headache. But I'm full. I just ate a healthy dinner. The conclusion I've come to is that I'm de-toxing from sugar and refined flour. Withdrawal! Because I haven't given up caffeine, either. Just desserts for now.

I've also noticed that it's depleting my supply of will-power. I couldn't get myself into my spin class this evening. I don't want to break my exercise streak, so I'm hoping that getting myself into the kick boxing class tomorrow morning won't be so difficult. I wish it wasn't one or the other! I'd really like to keep exercising AND eating healthily.

I just wanted to ask anyone else if they felt withdrawal symptoms when they started eating healthier?

Thursday, June 5, 2008

834 (Just kidding. I'm not going to make my post titles into numbers from now on)

But it actually is the calorie amount that I burned today in my YOGA CLASS!!! I'm not kidding! Well, it's called Body Flow & it's a combination of Tai Chi, Yoga & Pilates. But I have to say I was quite pleased. I am digging this little heart monitor that figures this out for me. But I am not digging the deduction that if I'm consistently burning this many calories & still gaining weight, my eating is definitely more out of control than I care to admit. I'm not using a food tracking method at the moment. It feels like I would just get perfectionistic with it (like every time in the past) and then quit if I messed up. Setting myself up for failure.

But I know it's just another excuse. I'm not going to stop making excuses. I actually have a lot more where that came from. :) But I can at least evaluate the situation and let my subconscious work on the solution for a while. All the while trying not to eat the whole bag of pretzels this time while watching So You Think You Can Dance. :)

Monday, June 2, 2008


= the amount of calories I just burned in my spin class!!!!!!!

Awesome! I was so excited I called my husband and bragged about it. It's the first time I wore my heart rate monitor in the class and used the calorie counting function. It bases your calories on your weight & heart rate, so I think it's pretty darn accurate.

I also just wanted to share my exercise goals with you. I have been having success on the program that Weight Watchers recommends, which is that they give you exercise points based on minutes you exercised, your weight and level of exertion. Based on this little quiz they gave me some weeks into the program, they said I was supposed to start at 8 exercise points per week, then go up one per week. I am now at 22 per week this week. I wanted to see if the exercise points translated over into calories burned. The WW slide rule says a spin class for me is 10 points, which should be roughly 1000 calories (100 per point, based on some random peoples' guessing... it's all I could find when I googled WW exercise points conversion into calories), but it turns out I burned a little more than 1000 calories.

So what I'm getting at is that my goal is going to be to keep building on that and burn 100 additional calories every week. So this week I'm measuring my exercise calories burned and seeing what that translates to when I shoot for 22 exercise points, then switch to calories burned next week. For example if I burn 2500 calories while getting 22 exercise points, my goal for next week will be 2600 calories burned.

I'm hoping this will help me keep progressing in my fitness and obviously drop weight, but what I've liked about this slow progression is that it stops me from burning myself out. I have had a habit in the past of going crazy with exercise, then getting sick or injured & everything comes to a screeching halt. Right now I'm in one of the longest unbroken exercise streaks I've been on since I started this blog, (knock on wood...), so I really do credit this system with keeping me from crashing & burning. Also, with exercise, I have this constant guilt. Just like when I was in school, I felt like I should constantly be studying because there was always more I could do. I was never finished. It was this horrible guilt that I lived with all the time. And since I have so much weight to lose, my brain says, "No, you can't take a day off. You need to be killing yourself until this weight is gone." And you can see the danger in that.

So now, when I've hit the WW exercise points goal for the week, I can feel good about myself and know I'm doing the correct thing for long-term fitness. Yes, I do tend to do the hardest classes early in the week to make sure I get all the points in, but I also consciously force myself to rest when I've hit my quota. Yay! Yay for exercising & burning 1376 calories, and yay for resting. :)

Monday, May 26, 2008

Reasons Why I Like Me

Today is Memorial Day. It meant 3 social events for me. Yesterday I was brave enough to get on the scale again after about a month's break. I knew my weight was creeping up again, but I was really disappointed with myself when I discovered how far the regression really was. But of course, I could feel it in my clothes and in my body in general. For example, a particular fat roll around my middle had disappeared or at least shrunk, but of course, now it's back. Two of the 3 events planned for today involved trying to look cute in these now-too-tight clothes and 1 involved a swimsuit.

Getting in a swimsuit was just too much for me to even think about on the day after I realized I just gained back most of what I previously lost. I laid in bed for 45 minutes thinking about how I didn't like myself and I just didn't want to go through the day being me at this moment.

Sad, sad, sad!!!!!!!!!

But it's the honest truth. I share it partially to get some blog-therapy and partially because I know I'm not the only one. I'm SICK of hearing all the negative self-talk going on in my brain!!!! It just never ceases! I really like the focus of some fat acceptance blogs which say the goal is size acceptance with a healthy dose of knowing you can change for the better if you want to. And it's why I'm now starting a motivational post that I will keep adding to, in addition to Reasons I Want To Lose Weight, I'm now starting

Reasons Why I Like Me
(that have nothing to do with size!!!!!!!!!!!)
(please read this knowing I'm a girl with a self-acceptance problem not a girl with a bragging problem!)

  1. I have fantastically beautiful kids
  2. I have the unconditional love of my siblings, mom & husband.
  3. I am creative, intelligent and ambitious.
  4. I have gained wisdom from experience, common sense and a good moral compass.
  5. I have a cool heritage that I'm proud of. The toughness & grit of Mormon pioneers on my mom's side and refined European sophistication from my Dad's side (he was born in Sweden.)
  6. I've worked hard to make good choices in my life like giving to and volunteering in my church, making sure I studied & followed Christian principles, being as honest as I can, etc. Am I perfect? No. But being able to say I'm still striving for these things and having stayed largely out of trouble is a pat on my own back I'm willing to give.)
  7. Another reason I'm glad I'm me- I have great memories of traveling a lot growing up. I've been to almost every European country. We lived in Germany & Belgium with my dad in the military & my parents loved to travel & dragged us everywhere. It really shaped who I am today.
  8. I like about myself the way I've changed in the past few years to find a balance between trying to be superwoman and retreating to hermit-hood. I gained a sort of new shade of confidence that involves knowing who I am a little more and being a more self-assured decision-maker.
  9. I'm glad I have an aesthetic eye and I do a good job with clothes, make-up & accessories.
  10. I smile at people when I talk to them. I'm glad I enjoy making people feel like I like them & am interested in them.
  11. I have awesome sexy hair. It's shiny, long, and I can style it in fun ways. I get tons of compliments on it. Instead of discounting the compliments in my mind, I'm now saying, "You know what? I DO have awesome hair. THANKS!!!!!" :)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

For G.G.

G.G., thank you for your comment wondering if I was doing ok & hanging in there!!

It's because of this type of kindness & concern from people in the blogging world who I've never met that I don't give up hope entirely in losing weight. Because actually, the weight loss news is not good at all!! You remember those 12 pounds that came off in the fall? Well, they came back on in the spring. Dang it!!!!!!!!!!! You know, I've been craving salt lately, which is unusual for me. Could it be that the weight gain is just 10 pounds of water retention???

Nah!! Probably wishful thinking because, I've also been craving a lot of candy bars & cookies & basically whatever I could get my hands on. It's nervous-emotional-anxiety-eating. And the other part of the problem is that I can't get myself to believe that actually doing something about the problem (decreasing my portions, paying attention to how many calories or points and saying no to desserts) doesn't amount to a bunch of self-punishment and starvation. Has that ever happened to you when you know the truth and reality with the logical part of your brain, but you just can't see it that way?

I also have to share that today, I was asked to teach the Sunday School class for the 12-17 year old girls. The topic was on appreciating your heritage & passing on a rich heritage to your future children. One of the quotes came from an address from one leader in my church, Jeffry R. Holland, that said, "Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. The Church needs you. The world needs you." It turns out that a larger topic in the address was on body image. Some passages were so touching to me, that I'd like to share some of them with you. The text in its entirety can be found here.

"[We] have no motive except to bless your life and to spare you every possible heartache we can spare you... I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else...Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because... you are our greatest examples and resource for these young women. and if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won't be very surprised when your daughter... does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. We should all be as fit as we can be... That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size...
"In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world."
When I was preparing to give this lesson last night, I was tearing up because the message was one I still had to learn. How do we learn this? I think some of the weight would probably leave me without much struggle if I could learn how to accept myself, strive for optimum health and not fixate on my mistakes or physical flaws. How do I see myself and love myself like my mom loves me, like my husband loves me, like God loves me?

It's a goal. Something worth striving for every day. But it sure does help when there really are the people that love you & are rooting for you.

G.G., you don't even know me! I know you didn't intend your comment to be much more than a casual "hey, where'd you go?" But it really made my day. I'm sending some good vibes & karma back at ya.

P.S. If you ever want to know if I'm alive or not, feel free to visit my other blogs: Something Beautiful or Humorous and Eli & Mia's Virtual Scrapbook. Life goes on in those blogs, even when I'm not losing weight. *wink* :)

Monday, April 21, 2008

Lose Weight By Blogging?

There are a lot of good books out there right now on peoples' weight loss experiences, methods, philosophies, etc., etc., etc. But when I heard Julia Cameron's comments on the Good Food podcast, something really clicked. Her book is called, The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size. In the interview, she talks about how she is a creativity expert, not a diet expert, but she started to see a trend with the overweight women she was working with. It was like she would meet an overweight women and typically, for example, they would have a Hagen-Daz habit, AND were not writing their short story. So her theory is that much like people stuff their emotions down with food, people do the same thing with their creativity. So she recommends some journaling exercises and some strategies for when you get the urge to eat unhealthily. (Do you think blogging would count?) Maybe that is why people like Pastaqueen are having the best of both worlds. Publishing books AND losing weight!! :)

And as I said, that really struck a chord with me. I see it going on with my son. He'll say, "Mom, can I play with play-doh?" "Not right now." Then he will just go watch TV, start getting bored and want to snack. I know I've learned to do that over the years, whether it be out of fear, procrastination or for whatever reasons, I know some of that anxious energy that gets put into munching or binging is dormant creativity. I love to write, paint, draw, dance, sing, decorate... and I don't do hardly any of it as much as I would like. It all makes sense to me! Now the author's smart enough to find the problem, is she smart enough to help people solve it? I'm dying to find out. My queue of "to read" books is pretty long, but when I read it, I'll let you know.

Or you read it & be sure & let me know what you think! :) Link is below:

Friday, April 18, 2008

Passing along some good stuff!

Check out this funny website! So refreshing to get some humor about this situation that I feel so distraught and humorless about. I decided I could really use one of the wacky diet inventions he has on his site: The Anti-Eating Mouth Cage. Particularly between the hours of 9pm to midnight!!!!!!!!!!

I found out about the website while listening to the Good Food podcast. It is such an excellent website for foodies, especially if you are interested in political & scientific segments once in a while, too.

As I've been listening to some of the archived podcasts from Good Food, there were interviews with 2 authors of books that seemed so great. One of them, The Crazy Makers: How the Food Industry Is Destroying Our Brains and Harming Our Children, I talked about on my other blog.

The second is called In Defense of Food. I loved that the author talks about how there is food, and non-food out there in the grocery store. He calls non-food, "edible food like substances." His "manifesto" is "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." It's the type of common sense that clever food marketing has brainwashed out of us. The best example that gave me a good heads up for my kids was "Go-gurt." It has so many fillers, that it's not even yogurt anymore. He says in the 70s, there were regulations in place that would require that type of product to actually be called, "imitation yogurt" instead of "yogurt." But the food industry lobbyists were more powerful than the consumer advocates, and now they don't have to use the word "imitation" and we unknowingly are feeding ourselves & our kids all these yucky chemicals & edible food-like substances.

Below are 2 links to these books. I put them both on my wish list. This type of stuff fascinates me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The First Good News In A While

I was at my doctor's office this afternoon for my quarterly evaluation of how the cholesterol is doing (I don't know the answer to that yet. They have to get my blood checked out at a lab.) I haven't lost weight this quarter :( BUT he said that my blood pressure was lower and my resting heart rate was lower! (They were not in the high range before, but lower is always better!!!) He said it's probably a direct result of doing cardio!! Go me with those spin classes!!!!!!!! Woo hoo! This wave of refreshing re-motivation hit me & I wanted to go back for more spin classes & get more good news regarding my heart & my health. See you all in the gym tomorrow. (I wish! If anyone who reads this goes to Gold's Gym in Lorton, VA, give me a holler!) :)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Success then Sabotage

More updates: I was scared to death to weigh myself, since I ate whatever I wanted while I was sick in March. But my weight was 202.8!! Not bad at all. I may be able to show my face in the WW meeting next Saturday.

Except then I sabotaged myself by emotionally eating 4 candy bars and a donut today. I was dealing with something difficult last night, but I couldn't cry about it. I think if I had been able to, maybe all that food wouldn't have needed to stuff the feelings down today.

This post is basically a way for me to give myself a goal so I can start over tomorrow. New goal: to eat all my meals away from the tv, slowly, putting down the fork in between bites (a la Paul McKenna... has anyone watched that show? What do you think?).

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Blueberry Smoothie

After sending my frustration out to the world in my last post, I owe you an update. But first, a recipe that I sort of kind of made up (I've never done that before.) I needed to eat some yogurt & fruit because it's a healthy thing to do, but it's not my favorite. So I decided to blend it up instead. I'm sharing because it was so yummy!!

Blueberry Lemon Banana Smoothie

1 cup frozen blueberries
1 cup low fat lemon yogurt
1 banana
1/2 cup skim milk (give or take depending how thick you like your smoothies)
sugar or stevia to taste (if desired)

Blend up & YUM!!

Update: I'm still eating lots of desserts & bigger portions than I should & I need to not be doing that. (But my meals are healthy. I have no room for improvement there. They're full of fiber, whole grain, fruits, veggies, super foods, lean protein, Omega-3... I'm set. The only thing I can improve is to shrink the portions and like I said, cut out the daily desserts.) I haven't even dared to get on the scale for like a month because I know it's going to be pretty disastrous. So last Monday was not my January 1st, but at least I did better on drinking my water. Maybe next week I can add another good habit. I want to say point tracking, but I just feel so much pressure & rebellion against that thought. Because honestly, when I'm keeping under my points limit, I'm STARVING! And I know that's what I'm in for. Maybe I can say I will keep within the points just ONE day. Monday. That's it. Then no more "starving" on Tuesday.

I know what you all are saying. I need to tweak things so I don't feel deprived. I am out of ideas on how to do that. There are just points limits/calorie limits beyond which you just can't go if you want to lose weight. What happened last fall when I was able to lose weight is I felt deprived for about 2 weeks, then I got used to it and settled into the routines & decided it was worth it for the weight loss success. Why can't I conjure up that motivation now?

Thursday, April 3, 2008


I am so sad about how I'm doing right now with my attitudes towards healthy eating & exercising. I want to eat constantly. I have no conscience. It's just like I'm walking around pretending I don't have to change anything about my body, and I don't have to stop after one cookie, and eating tons and tons of food won't hurt me. It' s that phenomenon where you're trying to avoid something, and you start obsessing about it.

I did go to a Body Pump class at the gym yesterday. I'm glad I went. It feels good psychologically to have sore muscles. It's helped that a few friends of mine have decided to start going to some classes and trying to go together. Tonight we have Taebo Boxing scheduled, but that attitude of mine is still horrible. I'm not excited about it, because my body's already tired from yesterday & getting over being sick, and my knee is totally acting up & that's how I tore my ACL 2 years ago (in a similar kickboxing class.) :(

I know it's not exciting to read blogs where people are depressed, but I need help!! I'd love your comments just to get moral support.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Help! I want to give up!

Let me just say this: Monday, March 31st is my January 1st!!! I have been sick for a couple of weeks, and any discipline that I had in my life all went out the window. I want to give in and throw the towel in with the whole Weight Watchers thing. But I won't let myself. But can you commiserate with me? Have you ever felt this way?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Stream of Consciousness During A Spin Class

Why do I have to come to these classes alone? Where are my friends? Where is my husband?

Why can't I be out walking or running in this beautiful weather? Darn feet & knee! I hate this. I'm dying. Get me out of here! Oh. The class hasn't even started.

Natalie, fix your attitude.

Warm up. Spin the legs. Pull up. Push down. Spin, spin, spin.

Didn't make sense not to live for fun, Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.


Hey now, you're a rock star. Get the show on. Get paid.

Make a mean face and slam those legs as hard as you can!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRR... Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

That felt good. I need to always do this at least once every spin class. Take out those frustrations!

Can't touch this. Give me a song or rhythm. Making no sweat that's what I'm giving 'em..... Either work hard or you might as well quit.

Wow. When you're standing up in the pedals, & listening to the music, it could almost be like you're dancing a little bit.

I've been runnin' down this dusty road. Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow.

My quads are burning. But it feels good. This is so good for my heart and lungs, too.

I closed my eyes and I slipped away. Its more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)...

Singing out loud, enjoying pedaling as fast as I can. Digging down deep.

Mama say mama sa mama cu sa. Mama say mama sa mama cu sa.

Dang, this is a long song. I can do this. I am awesome!! I may not have speed but I HAVE ENDURANCE!! I can actually keep up with some of these athletic women. You with the "Iron Girl" shirt- I'm not intimidated!! Nope.

Video loop of Lance Armstrong winning various races. Victory arms in the air. His dreams are coming true.

Did she say something about increasing the tension? Oops, enough eye candy.

She's got a smile that it seems to me. Reminds me of childhood memories... Where do we go now? Where do we go? Sweet child o' mine.

This is for the mean boys in 6th grade. This is for not receiving the flat stomach gene. This is for the frustration that I'm not a perfect mom. This is for the the hidden hurts in my heart no one knows about but me. Take out that frustration! Work that body! As Jillian says, "Beatings, beatings, beatings." I'm working so hard, the phlem in my lungs loosens up.

Oh, mama, she did it. Woh mama, she did it, yeah. Ooh, she did it. Woh mama, she did it, yeah.

Go!!!!!!!!!! 3........ 2....................



Saturday, February 23, 2008

I'm Alive, Really!

I've been neglecting the blog for a little while, just trying not to get overwhelmed by the time it takes to pay attention to my weight doing all those other little things. Go to weight watchers, count my points, cook and cook and cook healthy breakfasts, lunches & dinners, try to make it to the gym, get on the floor of my living room every once in a while & do those exercises, read all the Sparkpeople emails, report my weight to my Sparkpeople team, watch Biggest Loser faithfully... what else?

I really do enjoy blogging & reading blogs, but you just have to be reasonable about it & I refuse to feel guilty about it when I know my energy was well spent focusing on the actual losing weight part & not the blogging about it part.

Since October, I've lost about 12 pounds, but since December, I've gained & lost the same 2 pounds. This past week was a breakthrough, I'm hoping. I was able to stick for the most part to the points limits.

Just one tip someone gave me, I want to pass along- and it goes along with a major theme for me: perfectionism or the "all or nothing" attitude. I want to stick to my points amount EXACTLY, and if I go over, then screw it- just eat what I want. So the past couple of weeks, I've just been hungry, or wanting to emotionally eat, or I was tempted by treats. When I asked someone at the weight watcher meeting about it, she said if you need to eat, just eat. But why not pick lower cal options like Weight Watchers 2 Points Bars or fat free Pringles. I tried it all last week & it worked really well. Much better to be 2 or 3 points over the limit instead of binging on high octane fat and sugar. Right?