Monday, August 6, 2007

Here's the low-down about how I'm doing. From the scale's perspective: TERRIBLE. I've been doing ok on my goals. I've exercised. 5 days/week for 2 weeks. I've done cardio, I've done weights, I even did yoga last Wednesday. Saturday I did a Fitrow class at the gym. I felt really good when I was done. All that great arm & back sculpting. But I've gained weight. :(

My second goal for August is to journal my food in SparkPeople, at a minimum breakfast. I have done this all of August so far. It's been good for me because I realize that lately, I am usually pretty far away from the calorie range I should be in. So at least I realize where things could improve a little bit.

It's like I strategically picked goals that would make it look like I was working hard, but that would be sure not to make me lose any weight. It's like being at work and looking really busy, but not being productive. My therapist says the cure or at least a baby step for me for the "all or nothing" attitude is to set goals that are achievable, so I can be perfect in THEM, but not give up on the whole sha-bang if I'm not perfect in EVERYTHING. So I can't blame myself too much for having wimpy achievable goals. It's the only way to not feel like I'm giving up, if you know what I mean.

I also know I need to concentrate harder on my motivation. It has to be stronger, I think, for me to succeed. Yes, I hate the way I look. But I can't dwell on it. It just makes me want to crawl under a rock to think that way, not work hard. Yes, it scares the patootie out of me that I have high cholesterol at age 35. But why is it such a stretch to make a correlation in my mind between putting a chocolate chip cookie in my mouth and having a heart attack? I'm educated & intelligent, but I still want to be in somewhat of denial. Eating a cookie has always seemed like something innocent to me, but now I have to see it as EVIL!!!

Probably the thing that's the most real motivation for me right now is wanting to move my body easier. I was this weight when I delivered my 2 kids, and I remember having some of the same problems: having a hard time getting up from a sitting position, having a hard time reaching my shoelaces, wanting to run, play tennis, dance, run up and down the stairs, do kickboxing, etc., without injuring anything!

Well, I have to admit, I've gotten myself pretty depressed writing about all this. I think I'll just take a little trip down to Krispy Kreme. Just kidding!


Abby said...

I love the quote you have on the side, and I love that you are determined to be more healthy. I went running yesterday and it was so hard and awful, but I was so proud of myself--it was a huge step. I'm trying to be optimistic that I'll go again--in the same week. So here's my validation to you--keep up the good work. Progress is progress. Period. Who cares what the scale says--that changes 3 times in one day! Cheers to being more healthy!