Monday, August 27, 2007

Home Sweet Home

Being out west with family. Whew! There were good times & bad times. (There's always family drama.) But I'm glad to be back. But I'm not glad that some extra pounds are back, too. :( I even went past my all-time record high. (ARRRRGGGHHH!!!) But the good part is, I was gone for 10 days, I exercised for 5 of them (and if I didn't come down with a cold while I was there, I may have done even better.) I was able to take nice hour long walks along the beach. The bad part was I pretty much had no choice what food was put in front of me. Yes, I did have a choice if I wanted to be rude & anti-social (yes, I know not everyone views it that way... I know, I know!! But I felt that way.) and find a way to eat my "own special food". But I didn't do that. And I did have a choice to cut down on quantity a little and not go to town on the fattening stuff. So hindsight is 20/20. Maybe I'll have better will-power next time.

Worth It:

  • Mom's French Toast
  • Bakery Items from yummy Utah stores (I wish so bad they shipped things out! If you're ever in Utah, stop by Kneaders. A close substitute is to order online from Lehi Roller Mills.)
  • Chocolate from BYU Bookstore (I swear, those Mormons are the best bakers & candy makers!)

Not Worth It:
  • Frozen French Toast Sticks served at my sister's house
  • Burnt Pillsbury cookies
  • Pizza 3 times
  • Bacon 2 times
  • The quantity I chose on the pancakes, waffles, fattening chicken sauce & spaghetti
  • Garlic cheese bread
  • Hamburgers
  • Hotdogs
Two more things:
  1. I am NOT quitting the challenges I'm in & I'm NOT leaving the "fit blog" community just because I'm not having a lot of success losing weight right now. I'm NOT giving up. I need that support from all of you, and I know I'll succeed with enough time & perseverance.
  2. I haven't forgotten the request for photos from the trip. I took a TON of pictures. Give me a few days... I'm probably going to open a Flikr account. :)

Monday, August 13, 2007

I'm Going To Bear Lake!

We will be at a couple of family reunions for the next few weeks! See you when we get back!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

A Book Plug!

I just read something to my kids that helped me answer a question that I have seen on several weight loss blogs. A great little book by Karen Beaumont & illustrated by David Catrow called I Like Myself.

The great mystery was how do I accept myself for who I am at this moment, while the number on the scale is so abhorrent, unacceptable and unhealthy. I am so good at not liking myself, but that doesn't help me get any further on this weight loss journey.

The secret lies somewhere hidden in a preschool or kindergarten class. You have to like yourself. And obviously think about it in a deeper way, and have gratitude for the body you do have, and what it can do, and like it despite its imperfections. Like yourself inside and out, and to be true to yourself, you have to like what you do- which is the tricky part. I'm hoping that I gave enough credit to the book, and that I can transcribe the words in this blog, because they were so beautiful and profound (and remember it's MUCH better with the illustrations!!):

I like myself!
I'm glad I'm me.
There's no one else I'd rather be.
I like my eyes, my ears, my nose.
I like my fingers and my toes.
I like me wild.
I like me tame.
I like me different and the same.
I like me fast. I like me slow.
I like me everywhere I go.
I like me on the inside, too,
For all I think and say and do.
Inside, outside, upside down,
From head to toe and all around.
I like it all! It all is me!
And me is all I want to be.
And I don't care in any way
What someone else may think or say.
I may be called a silly nut
Or crazy cuckoo bird-- so what?
I'm having too much fun, you see,
For anything to bother me!
Even when I look a mess,
I still don't like me any less,
'Cause nothing in this world, you know,
Can change what's deep inside, and so...
No matter if they stop and stare,
No person
Can make me feel that what they see is all there really is to me.
I'd still like me with fleas or warts,
Or with a silly snout that snorts,
Or knobby knees or hippo hips
Or purple polka-dotted lips,
Or beaver breath or stinky toes
Or horns protruding from my nose,
Or--yikes!-- with spikes all down my spine,
Or hair that's like a porcupine.
I still would be the same, you see...
I like myself because I'm ME!

What do you get out of these words?

Monday, August 6, 2007

Here's the low-down about how I'm doing. From the scale's perspective: TERRIBLE. I've been doing ok on my goals. I've exercised. 5 days/week for 2 weeks. I've done cardio, I've done weights, I even did yoga last Wednesday. Saturday I did a Fitrow class at the gym. I felt really good when I was done. All that great arm & back sculpting. But I've gained weight. :(

My second goal for August is to journal my food in SparkPeople, at a minimum breakfast. I have done this all of August so far. It's been good for me because I realize that lately, I am usually pretty far away from the calorie range I should be in. So at least I realize where things could improve a little bit.

It's like I strategically picked goals that would make it look like I was working hard, but that would be sure not to make me lose any weight. It's like being at work and looking really busy, but not being productive. My therapist says the cure or at least a baby step for me for the "all or nothing" attitude is to set goals that are achievable, so I can be perfect in THEM, but not give up on the whole sha-bang if I'm not perfect in EVERYTHING. So I can't blame myself too much for having wimpy achievable goals. It's the only way to not feel like I'm giving up, if you know what I mean.

I also know I need to concentrate harder on my motivation. It has to be stronger, I think, for me to succeed. Yes, I hate the way I look. But I can't dwell on it. It just makes me want to crawl under a rock to think that way, not work hard. Yes, it scares the patootie out of me that I have high cholesterol at age 35. But why is it such a stretch to make a correlation in my mind between putting a chocolate chip cookie in my mouth and having a heart attack? I'm educated & intelligent, but I still want to be in somewhat of denial. Eating a cookie has always seemed like something innocent to me, but now I have to see it as EVIL!!!

Probably the thing that's the most real motivation for me right now is wanting to move my body easier. I was this weight when I delivered my 2 kids, and I remember having some of the same problems: having a hard time getting up from a sitting position, having a hard time reaching my shoelaces, wanting to run, play tennis, dance, run up and down the stairs, do kickboxing, etc., without injuring anything!

Well, I have to admit, I've gotten myself pretty depressed writing about all this. I think I'll just take a little trip down to Krispy Kreme. Just kidding!