Thursday, March 15, 2007

You Can't Photoshop Fat

I heard someone say, "Inside every old person is a young person that is really surprised." Well, I think inside every fat person is a really surprised thin person!! I was shocked yesterday when we got back our recent family photos. "Who is that chubby girl in my family photos that remotely looks like me?" Ouch. It really hurt to see the truth.

I sort of knew I had been avoiding being in the majority of our family's home videos & photos. It's terrible! I am cutting myself out of my family's pictorial history. Do you do the same thing? And when you look in the mirror, quick as a flash look at the not-so-flattering profile-- ouch! Don't dwell on it. Let's just concentrate instead on the more flattering angle.

And the most depressing part is that seeing these pictures revealing how chubby I am led to a string of bad choices. I played with the photos for a while on some Photoshop-equivalent software, and the fat just wouldn't go away. So I went in the kitchen, devastated, and ate 6 cookies. I was depressed all night, ate 6 more pieces of chocolate and went to bed late, causing me to get up late this morning, yell at my kids, be late for preschool, have no time for breakfast, but I grabbed 2 cookies instead.

I realized where this chain had started, and I decided to break the chain by going on a walk today. Book club was at my house tonight, so I did have dessert with the girls. But I feel like my motivation to make better choices is slowly getting stronger. Taking walks the past 3 days has been really therapeutic that way, also.

The report:

Exercise: Haven't been back to spin class, like I had intended, but I did go on 3 45-minute walks because the weather has been so nice. Also, I made the decision to meet with a personal trainer this week (I meet with her every several months to get a plan I can work with on my own). My biggest problem that I hope she helps me with is that I'd like to work in weights, pilates & yoga, but I feel guilty anytime I'm not doing hard core cardio. Because I'm so panicked about losing weight, I feel like every opportunity that I have for exercise, I should always be doing cardio.

Food: Monday & Tuesday I didn't splurge on the desserts like I usually have been doing every single day. I only had 2 York Peppermint Patties each day. Wednesday was the downward-spiraling day. Don't worry. I am doing a U-turn. Plus I have been drinking 8 glasses of water for the past 3 days as well. It's progress. (It's my goal to start counting things- whether calories or points or whatever after a while, but I need to start slow & going easy on the sweet things is a good start. Right?)

Weight: yesterday I weighed 00.0 lbs (my daughter had been jumping & stamping on the digital scale & it wasn't working). But today I weighed 208.

Here is the offending photo: (and it exacerbates things a bit that it is the "floating head" style of photo, so it's just this floating chubby face without the body attached.)


Salma Gundi said...

Hey - I did the same thing with photos - from avoiding the camera to trying to photoshop myself into something I could tolerate looking at.

One of the nice things about strength training and pilates/yoga stuff is that the gains in strength, flexibility and balance are noticeable in just a few weeks. It is immensely empowering to have that kind of success under your belt, and it motivates in a completely different way than cardioizing fat off.

I like your blog - will be sure to bookmark when I get back home. Best wishes to you :)

JessiferSeabs said...

You're really pretty.

And I've CERTAINLY been there before.

A tip -- for me, it actually STARTS with a good night's sleep... which then fuels my workout the next day, which then leaves me tired and able to sleep well again the next night. also, when I'm tired, I tend to pig out on carbs and sugar and sweets.

Good luck! You can do it!

Amy Lynn said...

Oh my sweet girl...I can't tell you how "right there with you" I am. I have become SUCH an emotional eater. I've put on 75 pounds since I got married and it is so depressing because when I got married I was at the lowest weight I had been at since junior high! Running 10K's, lifting weights, etc. Sigh. And I think you are so beautiful! And your children are beautiful!

TrixieBelden said...

Hey there,

Thanks for the nice comment on my blog. And yes, I was a HUGE Trixie Belden fan growing up. I haven't collected the books yet, but if I had enough room I totally would. Actually, I'm thinking about re-reading some of them once I'm done with grad school and I don't have tons of reading to do every week.

It really is possible to lose weight. I'm living proof. I avoided starting for about 6 years because I felt certain I would fail. Instead the past 7 months have been a positive (although challenging!) experience. The small choices you are making are in my opinion the key to success. I feel like those choices snow ball and one healthy choice leads to another. You are totally on the right track and your blog is so much fun to read.

Thanks for sharing photos of yourself. You and your family are beautiful! I only had the guts to post a blurry one of me at a far distance where I'm wearing a huge sweatshirt so I can blame my weight on my clothes! :) I've actually wondered what I will do with all the framed pictures of me with friends and family in my apartment over the years when I've been at my highest weight after I reach my goal. I've decided they are going to be displayed as prominently as they are today. I'm still the same person and I am happy in those photos.

Sorry for the long comment. I'm looking forward to your next post.


MissXXL said...

You really hit something, and thank goodness because I was beginning to think I was the only one ducking mirrors and avoiding myself in photos. But sometimes we need to see the truth in order to make the corrections needed to move on.

Also, I am a FIRM believer that allot of the cameras add 10 pounds. Call it wishful thinking, but still! LOL