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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Positive Thinking

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8.

I am a size 8 (TEEN).

No!

I am a size 8!

Alarm goes off at 5:45 a.m.

I am a morning person!

I am an early riser.

I have energy.

I love going to spin class!

I can do this.

The rest of the day...

I'm done exercising for the day.

I am so proud of myself!

I can do it again tomorrow.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

You Can't Photoshop Fat

I heard someone say, "Inside every old person is a young person that is really surprised." Well, I think inside every fat person is a really surprised thin person!! I was shocked yesterday when we got back our recent family photos. "Who is that chubby girl in my family photos that remotely looks like me?" Ouch. It really hurt to see the truth.

I sort of knew I had been avoiding being in the majority of our family's home videos & photos. It's terrible! I am cutting myself out of my family's pictorial history. Do you do the same thing? And when you look in the mirror, quick as a flash look at the not-so-flattering profile-- ouch! Don't dwell on it. Let's just concentrate instead on the more flattering angle.

And the most depressing part is that seeing these pictures revealing how chubby I am led to a string of bad choices. I played with the photos for a while on some Photoshop-equivalent software, and the fat just wouldn't go away. So I went in the kitchen, devastated, and ate 6 cookies. I was depressed all night, ate 6 more pieces of chocolate and went to bed late, causing me to get up late this morning, yell at my kids, be late for preschool, have no time for breakfast, but I grabbed 2 cookies instead.

I realized where this chain had started, and I decided to break the chain by going on a walk today. Book club was at my house tonight, so I did have dessert with the girls. But I feel like my motivation to make better choices is slowly getting stronger. Taking walks the past 3 days has been really therapeutic that way, also.

The report:

Exercise: Haven't been back to spin class, like I had intended, but I did go on 3 45-minute walks because the weather has been so nice. Also, I made the decision to meet with a personal trainer this week (I meet with her every several months to get a plan I can work with on my own). My biggest problem that I hope she helps me with is that I'd like to work in weights, pilates & yoga, but I feel guilty anytime I'm not doing hard core cardio. Because I'm so panicked about losing weight, I feel like every opportunity that I have for exercise, I should always be doing cardio.

Food: Monday & Tuesday I didn't splurge on the desserts like I usually have been doing every single day. I only had 2 York Peppermint Patties each day. Wednesday was the downward-spiraling day. Don't worry. I am doing a U-turn. Plus I have been drinking 8 glasses of water for the past 3 days as well. It's progress. (It's my goal to start counting things- whether calories or points or whatever after a while, but I need to start slow & going easy on the sweet things is a good start. Right?)

Weight: yesterday I weighed 00.0 lbs (my daughter had been jumping & stamping on the digital scale & it wasn't working). But today I weighed 208.

Here is the offending photo: (and it exacerbates things a bit that it is the "floating head" style of photo, so it's just this floating chubby face without the body attached.)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Calling All Helpful Books

Going on the theory that being educated on a subject helps you convert to that specific way of life, I am doing some homework. Here are a few weight loss books I have on my shelf. I'd love your suggestions for others to add. And I'm shooting for ones that deal with eating psychology, *GOOD* recipes/menu plans, and the medical science of weight loss (like the Dr. Oz books).

Also, an author I'm very intrigued with is Geneen Roth. But she's written a lot of books on the subject. Have you read any? Which one should I start with?

A little report for you:

Exercise since I last wrote: Just one 45 minute walk yesterday. Better than nothing.

Food: I can't even talk about it. But the past few days I've been doing really well with WATER drinking.

Weight: 207.5

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Ch ch ch changes

So the final & last excuse I'd like to vent & then painfully wad it up and throw into the bonfire is this one: I have handled every major change in my life by adding 5 pounds to my body.

  • Moved in 5th grade- gained 5 pounds
  • Hit puberty- gained 5 pounds
  • Moved in 9th grade- gained 5 pounds
  • Moved in 11th grade- gained 5 pounds
  • Moved in 12th grade- gained 5 pounds
  • Went to college- gained 5 pounds
  • Served an LDS mission- gained 5 pounds
  • Done with college moved- gained 5 pounds
  • Got married- gained 5 pounds
  • My dad died- gained 5 pounds
  • Had my kids- well... of course I gained a lot but I never quite lost it all (let's say I kept around 20 extra pounds because of the whole experience)
  • Moved within the state here in VA- gained 5 pounds

Voila! I weigh what I weigh now, which this morning was about 209. Luckily, I don't foresee any immediate big changes, but maybe I can make a giant NOTE TO SELF, and the next time I'm facing a huge change, double up on the exercise or try to lay off on the comfort eating.

But in the meantime a big part of my life RIGHT NOW is all about getting rid of this very physical baggage.

Here's my mini-report to you all: I've got another spin class under my belt. Yay! (Did I say I had a good time in the spin class in my last post? I must have lied. It really isn't fun. But I did feel good afterwards, and I feel like I'm getting more bang for my buck with this type of cardio.) With my eating, I haven't been the poster child for weight watchers or any other diet, but here's the positive part- all my breakfasts have been stellar. I've only eaten instant oatmeal every day (either Weight Control type or Women's Nutrition.) It's a good start in more ways than one.

Friday, March 2, 2007



Meet Excuse #3 and Excuse #4 for my being at least 50 pounds overweight. So here's the story that I'm sticking with (or actually maybe I'm not sticking with it any more. I'm abandoning it as something that repeats in my mind over and over again and probably impedes my progress. See my last post.)

Anyway, back to the story. Before I had Eli, I went on weight watchers weighing somewhere around 179. I got down to somewhere around 165-169 depending on the day. Well, I gained 50 pounds while pregnant with Eli. Then post partum, I only lost 30 of that 50. Yes I went to weight watchers, but I never got down too much past 170-175. Then I had Mia & only gained 30. I lost 20 of that 30, but have since then gained an additional unimaginable amount so I am now right around delivery weight, and contrary to what some rude people assume (and even ask!!! yes! how devastating. But I'm not the first one that's been asked if I was pregnant when I'm not, and I won't be the last,) I'M NOT EXPECTING A BABY!

A little tangent for the good of society: here's a rule you can stick to if you are one of those people that is tempted to ask someone if they're pregnant when you don't know for sure if they are: NEVER ASK SOMEONE IF THEY ARE PREGNANT UNLESS YOU SEE AN ACTUAL BABY EMERGING FROM THEM.

So mentally, I need to learn not to complain about leftover baby weight. Wad it up and cast it into the fire. Just look forward to what good things can happen with my weight in the future.

Since I want to end on a good note, I will tell you something unfortunate first: Girl Scout Cookies have entered our house. I was powerless against them. (I've heard a lot that will power is overrated & you mostly just need to make sure things like that stay far away from you.) Oh well. We will just pick up ourselves up where we fell off the wagon and continue onwards...!

A great thing to report: today I went to my first spin class. And I didn't die! I think my resistance/tension level on the bike was possibly lower than it should have been, but I actually had a good time. A great thing about it is that I won't be scared of the unknown anymore. It'll be easy to go again & I hope it will be a frequent habit.